Passionate Waiting


~ I am an insanely introverted person.

I would rather organize my closet than go to the mall.

Or go for a hike alone in the woods than spend a day surrounded by people.

Or sit and have a cup of coffee with a friend or two, sharing our struggles and triumphs and passions in our walks with the Lord, than go to a bible study and be surrounded by other believers.

Or snuggle up in my jammies on a Sunday morning and watch my church service online than sit in a room full of acquaintances.

I am better at expressing myself with a pencil and paper then with vocal words.

~ But for reasons I have yet to understand, the Lord has given me a passion that is disturbingly extroverted.

He has given me a hunger to shake up the church and remind her what her Beloved created her to be.

To see unity forge her bond between every denomination.

To see lovers of Christ ignited with a fire for Him and cease their petty arguments and assumptions and segregations and show this world what Christ’s heart really looks like.

To see the church emerge from inside the four walls of the buildings they occupy and flood this ever darkening world with light.

I want to see every corner and nook and cranny of this earth. I want to see every need that hasn’t been met and look into the eyes of every hungry child and hold the hand of every grieving woman and shake the hand of every man who struggles daily to meet the needs of those who depend on him, and I want tell them about my Savior. I want to put a roof over the heads of the homeless and make sure the hungry have a place to go.

~ But, here’s the thing that stumps me… the thing that makes me stop and say, “Girl, you must be out of your mind to think this is ever going to happen, or that the Lord would call YOU to this.”

I cannot figure out, in my rational mind, how this is EVER going to happen.

I’m a massage therapist. I have a few hundred dollars in a savings account. I see no doors opening. I have no clear direction. I live with my parents. I’m single. I have no connections. I just moved to this new state and know so few people. I work two jobs that require all of my time.

It doesn’t make sense.

I can see where I am right now, and I can see what my heart is on fire for, but I have no idea how the Lord is going to bring any of this about.

~ “I will make a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 48:19b

But here’s the thoughts that keep resonating with me, that play over and over when the doubts creep in; it doesn’t need to make sense. If it did, would we need faith? Would we ever know, without a moments doubt, that we serve a God of the impossible? Would we be passionate and on fire for a God who only used people who “made sense”? Would this life of adventure and purpose He has in store for us actually be adventurous and purpose filled? Would we ever get to experience the excitement of knowing He is working and fighting for us? Would we ever truly be able to say we desperately longed for and needed grace through the waiting? Would we get to feel that peace that passes all understanding, that peace that swoops in and floods you with so much joy it exchanges tears for rejoicing?

“Thus says the Lord, the Holy One who formed him: ‘Ask me of things to come; will you command me concerning my children and the works of my hands? I made the earth and created man on it: it was my hands that stretched out the heavens, and I command all their host. I have stirred him up in righteousness, and I will make all his ways level; he shall build my city and set all my exiles free, not for price or reward,’ says the Lord of hosts.” Isaiah 45:11-13

~ We worship a God who made the dead rise.

Who walked on water.

Who parted the Red Sea.

Who made an evangelist out of a murderer.

Who fought for thousands of years for the hearts of the Israelites.

We serve a Creator who designed every human feature and carefully graphed every leaf and lovingly planted every flower and tree and orchestrated every sunset and sunrise.

~ Habakkuk 2:20 says, “But the Lord is in His holy Temple. Let all the earth be silent before Him.”

He’s got this.

“I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose’… Isaiah 46:9b-10

There is so much to learn in the waiting. So much excitement to see what the Lord is going to do. So much Passion in purpose.

“How beautiful upon the mountain are the feet of him who brings good news, who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness, who publishes salvation, who says to Zion, ‘Your God reigns.'” Isaiah 52:7

If we aren’t living this life for His glory, we aren’t walking in our purpose. And when we have no purpose, we become lonely, depressed souls that wander through this life struggling to find meaning and a sense of belonging.

“If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.” Isaiah 58:10-11 

Be passionate about your purpose, even if it makes no sense. Be joyful in the waiting, knowing that you are growing and learning and your trust in His plan and His timing are being stretched and molded. Be vigilant in praying, knowing that He delights in giving us the desires of our hearts, especially when we have allowed Him to mold those desires to mirror His heart.

“The former things I declared of old; they went out from my mouth, and I announced them; then suddenly I did them, and they came to pass. Because I know that you are obstinate, and your neck is an iron sinew and your forehead brass, I declared them to you from of old, before they came to pass I announced then to you, lest you should say, ‘My idol did them…’ You have heard; now you see all this; and will you not declare it? From this time forth I announce to you new things, hidden things you have not known. They are created now, not long ago; before today you have never heard of them, lest you should say, ‘Behold, I know them.’ You have never heard, you have never known, from old your ear has not been opened.” Isaiah 48:3-8


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