A broken heart can rend you.
It can take the carefully knit fabric of your entire being that was sewn together so beautifully and turn it into anger and grief… resentment and confusion… bitterness and hate.
We have all been there at some point. The story of our lives has so many plot twists and cliff hangers and it’s laced with brokenness and redemption. Failures and forgiveness. Mystery and adventure.
But the real meat, the heart of our story, is found in our brokenness.
We can’t grow unless we have been broken. Our character won’t stand up and proclaim the glory of God unless we have fallen and failed.
The reason there is so much beauty in our brokenness is because that is where our redemption lies.
Such an underrated thing for us, I think.
Instead of wanting Christ to redeem us and heal us in the midst of our brokenness and give it purpose, we wallow in confusion and entitlement and misery. We want to understand why this broken heart had to happen. How a God who loves us could allow such a deep, penetrating and persistent wound to invade a heart we’ve tried so desperately to protect and cherish.
I’m very much an “all or nothing” kinda girl. Being so has its pros and cons. When I love, it’s with ever fiber of my being. So when that is betrayed, I’m shattered. Honestly, I’d gotten so used to seeing myself as shattered, that I never even realized that I’d been healed, my heart completely redeemed.
Years ago, my heart was broken. More intensely and completely then any brokenness I’d ever known. My brokenness led me down a road that wrought destruction and death and even more brokenness.
And in the midst of my destruction, my heart began to change. I hungered after light. I hungered after healing. I hungered after righteousness. I hungered after God.
I had no idea how vehemently my Savior was pursuing my heart. How relentlessly He was alluring my heart.
“Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Weeping a door of hope. There she will respond as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt. In that day,” declares the LORD, “you will call me ‘my husband’; you will no longer call me ‘my master.’ I will remove the names of the Idols from her lips; no longer will their names be invoked. I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD. I will plant her for myself in the land; I will show my love to the one I called ‘Not my loved one.’ I will say to those called ‘Not my people,’ ‘You are my people’; and they will say, ‘You are my God.'” Hosea 2:14-23
It was then that my healing could start. I stopped running from it. I stopped fighting it. I just felt it. I cried, I prayed, I grieved, I prayed, I overanalyzed every detail of it, and I prayed some more.
I did this for years. Not days, not months… years.
I stopped believing I would ever be healed, that my heart would ever be whole again, but still kept praying for it regardless.
And here is where the awesomeness and grace of God is so astounding to me; in the quietness of God’s mercy I was healed and didn’t even know.
Sounds crazy, right?
How could I pray for something so adamantly yet not realize I’d been healed?
Slowly, without my even realizing it was happening, the pain left my eyes and the sting of betrayal left my mind and all those wounds that were dripping blood began to scar and healing took place.
Joy replaced that ting of sadness that always seemed to hang mercilessly over my weary head and I was excited about what the adventure of my life had in store for me.
In every heartache God has a purpose. He will shape our character with it and make it a testament for His glory. We may not understand today or tomorrow why it happened, that answer may never be known while are feet still rest on this earth.
But He is faithful to redeem us. To do the impossible and restore every piece of our heart to be lovingly sculpted back into the masterpiece He has created us to be.
Let Him do His work.
Let Him allure you.
Let Him pursue you.
Let Him heal you in His time.
Let Him teach you through it.
Surrender to the knowledge that we don’t need to understand why it happened, but understand that it’s all for His glory.
If my heart break screams Christ’s grace, then please God let it be broken again and again for Your Kingdom’s sake.