There is something about the people in your life that are there one day, then gone the next.
Like the act of a magician, they vanish in the blink of an eye, without explanation, without warning, without understanding.
It is a type of death, really.
Any other type of loss is not quite so painful, because it is a more gradual slope, but the ones that you never see coming-those will really leave their mark.
With these kinds of losses you find yourself wanting to recount every good memory, hold onto every ounce of laughter, every conversation shared, every moment spent. Even if they have left you, even if every bit of why they are no longer there all stems from their own decisions, you want to hang onto them. It is such an unbearable loss to over night have someone rid you from their life, and every part of you longs for God to pinch you awake and out of this nightmare that has become reality.
It feels so wrong.
Every ounce of you feels like you should be able to pick up the phone, to meet at your usual place, to maintain your routines.
I am starting to need a third hand to count the people in my life that are no longer there, but the ones like this, the ones that kill, the ones you thought would forever be in your life, praise God, are much fewer and farther in-between.
Let me tell you something-
God is not the author of broken relationships.
God is not the author of rejection.
God is not the author of leaving.
God is not the author of Dear John letters, or “it’s not you, it’s me”, He is not the author of unfaithfulness, or lack of commitment, He is not the author of changed feelings, and He definitely does not pen promises and then un-pen them a few chapters later.
He is not the author of lukewarm anything, of half-committed anything, and He definitely does not write in roles of bestfriend, confident, companion one day, and perfect stranger the next.
He is the author of unity, of selflessness, of commitment, but He is also the author of sparing.
And He will take whatever steps, leaps, and bounds it requires to knock you out of the way of something that is going to harm you spiritually, and most likely it is going to hurt.
Just remember, when you are so lonely, when you are so broken, when the tears are heavy flowing, and when every ounce of you aches and misses someone you no longer see-you are beautiful, you are spared, you are washed in grace and mercy, you are built up on love and faithfulness, you are poured over in endless affection and nothing, ever will tear that away.
God’s love will NEVER burn you, will NEVER leave you, will NEVER change it’s mind, it will ALWAYS make promises, it will ALWAYS keep them, it will ALWAYS stay..it is the kind of love you never have to be afraid of accepting or linking arms with, because it is impenetrable from sin.
Every negative, bad, sad, hurtful, painful thing is a consequence of sin, and God’s love is one of the only things we can experience that is not damaged in any way, it is one of the only things that can offer you promises with the full confidence of delivery and the assurdness of being there the next day.
In those moments where your heart just aches so badly, remember that you are right then and there being cradled by perfect love, which casts out all fear.
Again and again and again.