That is the word that most closely mirrors how I felt when a sudden whirlwind of pain came roaring into my neatly and securely kept heart and tore it to shreds. There is no grey on the paintbrush of blindside that fiercely and jerkily colors within the lines of our circumstances, only a stark blackness covering up the white.
One moment something is, and the next, it is not.
As a 22 year old woman coming to grips with my own failure at maintaining the intricate mosaic that is my heart I have realized that being blindsided knocks the wind right out of you. Any strength, security, surety, or confidence I had in myself or my life, in an instant, came pouring out the holes of my broken heart. Like a shattered glass that once beautifully held everything about myself that I felt had value, in a cruel moment it was reduced to tiny fragments of uselessness that did nothing but slice, cut, and dig into the wounds that had in that moment been developed. This merciless villain named Blindside shrieked a shrill, resounding, and deafening mockery that whatever part of my heart I felt was of any value – forget it – You are worthless now.
I am here to tell you, that no matter what has blindsided your heart, you are of precious value.
I am here to tell you, that no matter how broken or shattered you feel, you are invaluable.
You are a sparkling, royal jewel, and let me tell you – you have SO much value, that whatever it is you feel in this moment has destroyed you – is really going to be what makes you into an even more beautiful woman. It never feels that way in the midst of our pain. It the midst of it we feel ugly, undesired, unprotected, and unnoticed, but the truth of it is that God sees so much value in you for His kingdom that He is confident in the ability to use things is your life that would cause some to despair to mold you into something amazing for His kingdom. He is too passionate about who you are to not make a big deal out of your hurts, to not sweep in, rescue you, and bring you closer to the better things He has prepared.
Remember, you are not attacked with heartache, uncertainty, doubt, fears, sadness, loneliness, hurt, etc. when God is not about to do something huge. Satan doesn’t bother whispering lies and deceit when we’ve got it altogether and are at peace and confidence with our life, it is when he comes at us with a vengeance that we know God is scaring the crap out of him.
So in the midst of the times when we are not OK
In the midst of the times when the only thing we feel are pieces of our heart slipping out through the cracks of it’s brokenness
In the midst of pain that re-soundly screams from every corner of our lied-too thoughts
In the midst of hurt that whispers our inherent worth is forgotten
In the midst of betrayal that tells us we are only here to be left
In the midst of deep, painful, hidden wounds that we fight to heal on our own
In the midst of everything this fallen world has inflicted on our fragile scar-filled hearts
God puts every tear we cry into His bottle (Psalm 56), He has engraved us into the palm of His hands (Isaiah 49), we are the apple of His eye (Zech 2), to Him we are a crown of glory, a royal diadem, delighted in, redeemed, SOUGHT OUT, not forsaken (Isaiah 62), He has betrothed us in His righteousness, justice, loving-kindness, mercy, faithfulness (Hosea 2)..I could go on and on.
So if you have found yourself blindsided, if the wind has been knocked out of you, and if you have attempted to navigate through the deep perilous waters of a pain that you have felt stranded in, I am here to give comfort that you are not alone, there are people who understand, and no one, especially not God, expects you to heal on your own and magically become whole again. Healing takes time, and whenever I have tried keep these threads holding my heart together intact, I have found it breaks all the more.
These weaving veins and scars flowing through and are etched onto our hearts and spirits flow life to us, and make us who we are. The beautiful ruts of our pasts (and our presents) are incredible tools of God for eternal, everlasting purposes, and more valuable than an air-brushed, falsified, facade of a heart that hasn’t experienced pain – without pain, we would not know true joy (which is something that cannot be taken away), and we would not see blessings when they are given to us.
Your scars are beautiful. They aren’t easy and they aren’t for the light-hearted, but they are absolutely stunning and this blog is here to show you just how many women have scars and have seen God use them for amazing and eternal things.
Journey with others, not on your own, and remember that God holds every tear your cry in His bottle, and these scars become you.
“Shake yourself from the dust, arise…loose yourself from the bonds around your neck, O Captive Daughter..” -Isaiah 52.2